Ruth Wijaya

Life is sucks. In so many ways it fvcking sucks. My mind all over. It messy and ugly. My life is sucks.

Positivity is overrated. Fvck positivity. I live in madness. It never settled. Jumping around. Fear. Jealousy. Worries. Sadness. Madness. I don’t even know why I should live and what is the point of life?

Life is sucks. Though generally I am happy living in it. Well, what else can I do if being happy is only choice of living?! Sadness tangled inside my happiness, life is about both. I don’t know if I am making sense of this but with my sadness, joy and happiness are always around.

I am living in loneliness. True that it sometimes tiring but most of the time, it suits me as I am designed to be alone. After all, we are only living with ourselves. At the end, only me.

It is not the loneliness.

It is not about being unhappy.

But I keep searching. I keep looking for something that I don’t know. I messed up. My mind fvck me in so many ways.

Live is suck but maybe I just lucky that I get helps I need and it is a quick fix. I really feel grateful I got a cheating sheet, so I don’t need to suffer any longer in long and miserable path. Oh, I don’t know what I am talking. It just simply gratitude.

My life is still sucks. My mind still fvcking me but I got my helps; to find things that I still don’t know. Where life started and where it going to end. And when look at it again, all the tears and madness lead to this day, to this moment, maybe life is not that bad.

A journey has begun. It has started unconsciously, it will consciously continued.

Grateful.

To A, thank you for opening the door.